Sometimes You Can't Escape Your Past

Two weekends ago, I had my mom over to my house on a Saturday afternoon for Starbucks. Homegirl loves a white chocolate mocha with all the fixings - even in the heart of summer - and drunk through a straw. I owed her a Starbucks and I was craving an Iced Mocha (it's my new fav - ok really I only drink 3 drinks there.)

So we were drinking our beverages and lounging in my living room. And she's telling me about going to the local running store to get some new shoes. I had forgotten I had told her to go there instead of the place two towns over.

She tells me this creepy guy waited on her at the store. She said he was really weird. I immediately knew who she was talking about. I asked her a few questions about his appearance to verify, but I was right. She was talking about my boyfriend from senior year of high school. Yeah!!! It makes me so proud. My senior year boyfriend is the creepy guy that works at the running store in my hometown.

Somehow every time I go in there, he eventually waits on me. I may rush over to someone else and ask them questions. They get the product, but when I get up to the counter, they always pass me off to him. He just has this weird stare. He keeps staring at you, and evidently he did it to my mom as well. The best part is he acts like we know each other but just as old co-workers/acquaintances (that's how we met - at our teenage workplace, not school).

So my poor mother is evidently receiving the creepy treatment. I told her just to go back to the other running store. It's cheaper anyway. And I'll be shopping there as well. So much for supporting my hometown mom and pop running shop!

Note - The other running store is also a mom and pop - just not in our town.

Note - This was the same guy that also ran into my sister and her friend in a bookstore while I was a junior or senior in college. He proceeded to tell her how he didn't understand why I wouldn't make out with him at his church youth group bonfire. She was like "ok" and crept away from the creepy guy. What was I thinking?? Sorry that I didn't feel it was appropriate to mug down with you in front of your church youth group! Clearly, we're not meant to be.

Marriage Question...When to say yes? When to quit?

I have been in a few weddings. In fact before I wrote this post, I was taking pictures of the gold shoes that I'm going to wear in Greg and Jenn's wedding in 60 days as a bridesmaid. I actually had to buy them for another wedding that I was a bridesmaid in a few years ago. I'm gearing up for several weekends in August of bachelorette parties. So excited!

But that's not what I wanted to write about. Well sort of. In the last two weeks, I've had two conversations about divorces or separations. Luckily, none of the weddings that I have been in have been in that category. Last night, a friend told me that some mutual acquaintances of ours (old work colleagues) who had married each other were now separated after three years of marriage. This is not the first time this has happened. Two other couples I am acquainted with also got divorced after 2 or 3 years of marriage. All of these people were married and divorced before 35 - some before 30. The wife told my friend that she and her husband are just better as friends than as a married couple. And I started thinking...what does that mean?

Having never been married, I don't know all that it takes to be married or stayed married. But how do you know that it's right to jump into a marriage? And how do you know to when to call it quits? Do you just get caught up in the excitement of love and a wedding? Will I make the right decision when that moment comes knocking on my door?

I'm not the only one who has seen these situations. My sister was in a wedding that is now a divorced couple. Even my cousin who is only 26 has friends who are married for about a year and now divorced.

I'm sure none of these people went into this thinking they were going to get a divorce. I'm sure tears were shed and words said in anger. So what happened? I know I'll never know the answer. Each situation is different. But as a single person looking for love, it scares me all the same. I don't want to be in that boat. And I know they don't want to be either...

A Betting Woman

On Thursday night, I volunteer at the USO lounge. I've already discussed the crush one of the other volunteers has on me. Ugh! He's so disappointed that I'm going to miss our next volunteering shift together.

Around 8:30 the lounge got dead. There was one poor guy left, but everyone else had meandered over through security to the gates. So my boss started asking me about my dating and my blog. And so we started our brainstorming session. Where else can you go to find guys besides internet dating sites? It's not that I hate them, but sometimes you just need to cover a few more bases.

So here was the list:

1. Country bars (from my crush) - evidently his daughter picks up men there. He doesn't really like any of them. They just work jobs he says - just getting by - no careers.

2. Running clubs - over 50% of people that run are woman and the % is going up. Tried this route - lots of ladies or older men. Only a few eligible men.

3. Church - ugh! that has always been my mother's suggestion. That's where my parents met - a church single's event. You know how that goes - you never want to admit your parents are right. I did try the Catholic dating site. So I sort of tried that.

4. Kickball/Softball leagues - I almost joined one a few years ago, but I chickened out. I didn't want to do it alone and then my friend couldn't do it. I know people who have met their spouse that way. And I have an old co-worker who is still single and plays in the leagues. So it's a possibility. I haven't played softball since the 6th grade so I'll need some practice...

5. POKER games! - I almost died when my boss said this. I know how to play poker. I'm not half bad, but I get tired and give up after a few hours. He plays all the time. He's like yeah - it's a captive audience of men. Half the table folds on average and so they need someone to talk to while the hand is still going on. I've played in a few poker tournaments and the guys don't enjoy it if you take them out (which I have done!!), but he says it's all good.

So it looks like I need to find myself some poker tournaments to enter...maybe that I could get good enough to make it my next career...(just kidding - like I said I get tired...tournaments go on forever!)

Easily Distracted Much?

Easily distracted much? I am as of late. I don't know where the hours in the day go other than before I know it it's time for bed. Because lately I've been getting up some time between the hours of 4 and 5 AM!!!!! It started out this month as Saturdays. I added Fridays for spinning class at 6 AM. And now this week it's been, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday! I slept in until 7 today and I was late to everything this AM. It's disgusting...I blame the heat.

Seriously, I find every excuse not to get on internet dating. I think I just needed a vacation. A vacation from dating. The last couple adventures were just that adventures. And there really hasn't been anyone to catch my eye on the sites. I think it's a function of summer. Nobody wants to try to get tied down in the summer. There's too much going on. Winter on the other hand...who doesn't want to hibernate in a pair of warm arms?

OK, see aren't you distracted? I've just recounted the theme of John Mayer's song, "St. Patrick's Day". And I'm daydreaming about shopping (I spent the last 2 evenings at Nordstrom looking for a cocktail dress for an upcoming event - more tomorrow!).

But I know, I know. You don't want to hear excuses about why I'm not dating. I know they are sad and pathetic. I really think I just need to find a new third way to meet guys...so any ideas are welcome...

I've had a lot of girl time in my dating vacation. Don't worry I'm not turning lesbian, but I need to stop before I'm totally rusty at dating.

Don't bother getting up...

I swear I can't make this stuff up. This is a true tale of internet dating. My theory was correct (as soon as you send out a few feelers, guys start contacting you). I had a few new winks and emails on Match tonight when I logged in.

I rejected both of the winks. One lives in Delaware - too far from my home. The other looks just like a guy I fired about 4 years ago. It's not him, but I can't bear to date a guy that looks like him. It would be just too weird.

Now to the emails, there were 2 of those as well. The one guy was a guy I had emailed after our little game last week. And then there was a new guy and this is the message from him:

Hi there! My name is S******. I am from India working in DC area. I am too lazy to explain about me now. If I am the luckiest person, feel free to ask me anything about me.

You are too lazy to explain about yourself?? Really?? Well then, I'm sold. I want to go out with a really lazy guy who can't really be bothered to put in writing a sentence or two something about himself.

And there you go folks, I can't make this stuff up!

An Internet Minefield

I wrote many months ago that I had put profiles of myself on three different websites. Well really, I have 2 profiles on eHarmony due to a set up glitch. This extra profile might come in handy later so I have yet to remove it. So that really made a total of 4 profiles.

My profile on Catholic Match wasn't really giving me great results. I did find A on there but obviously that didn't work out. Since A, it has been no pickings on that site. Lots of guys that live far away from me and are just not what I am looking for. I received notice that my subscription was up at the end of June. I knew it wouldn't automatically renew because my credit card had changed. So I just ignored their renewal notices. And I thought they would just kick me off.

Oh, but no! They don't just kick you off. They just step you down to the free membership (You mean I could be doing this for free?!) Now, I'm just annoyed by their emails. They still send me profiles. In fact, I'm annoyed by all the dating websites' daily emails. Don't even get me started on the commercials!

So I logged on to the website tonight. Of course, there are no clear instructions on how to get off this ride. I try the account settings. Luckily, on the side there's a FAQs with one that says "You want to delete your profile?" Yes! Yes I do! A new window pops up but I don't see a button. No, it's just explanations on how you can keep your profile up there without paying and you'll regret this language. Believe me, I can handle any regret on this. And down at the bottom is a little sentence that says "Do you still want to delete your profile?" I click on it. Finally, a button on this new page to actually delete. I hit it. I'm FREE!

Don't worry, they save my profile and all my activity for 30 days if I want to reactivate them! They get you coming and going. I feel like it must be easier to get a divorce, but of course it is, this is a Catholic dating website.

Brain Freeze

I usually think about my posts during the day. Plan out a little outline or formulate the idea in my head over the few hours that I'm at work. And I had done that today...but then I got to my volunteering gig. And I suddenly have gone completely void of memory and thought. My mind is full of useless military jargon and acronyms. My real job has nothing to do with the military so it's not second nature to me.

So here I sit with nothing in my mind. I tried flipping though Elle and Cosmo but nothing hit the spot. I guess I could talk about my boyfriend here at volunteering. He's awesome. He has 2 daughters my age. I found out today he's just shy of 60. He's a new grandfather. He has invited me to his house once for a BBQ and yard work. And several weeks ago, he invited me to go on vacation to Myrtle Beach with his family. And he hugged me in the parking lot after our first shift (I don't enjoy hugging strangers, especially older men). So awkward....

My boss also volunteers with me from time to time and knows this guy. I told him about it a few weeks ago. He just started laughing. I was like, "Thanks!" He told me, "Nice boyfriend." As a friend tweeted a few days ago, why are the old guys always into me?

So now I dread when I work with him, but so far tonight he's been ok. He's a good volunteer. And as my boss tells people about why I'm volunteering here, it's to meet men!

White Lying

I'm a liar by omission. I'm terrible at out and out lying. Always have been. My family can call me out every time I lie. I have the easiest tells. Luckily, somehow that doesn't translate to the poker table.

I never told my family about my blog. I was going to tell my sister and brother-in-law. My brother could care less. When we talk, it's usually about him and he's incredibly busy. No really - he's an intern (as in Grey's Anatomy not Monica Lewinsky). He doesn't have time to read his big sis' blog. He doesn't even have time to eat half the time.

Anyway, I was going to tell my sister - even though she's a nosy Nellie (name that TV show reference?). But she got pregnant and witchy. She's actually better now that's she in the 3rd trimester but I'm having problems with courage.

Why do I have such a hard time telling my family about what I'm thinking or feeling? We are a close family, but maybe it is that we are used to seeing each other that we get bogged down in the day-to-day. I think it's more that I'm afraid of somehow disappointing them. I know how ridiculous that sounds.

So I almost came out with it on the 4th of July but somehow they didn't press me. But I need to tell them because it's going to come out when I see my cousin in San Diego later this summer. So it's better to come from me than her.

Wish me luck!

Let's Play a Game

I took the weekend off from dating. I had a million projects on my plate - some of which got finished. And I dread this part. You see I wasn't just talking to "I". I was sending out feelers and receiving them and I left a bunch of them hanging. So I feel guilty. And I also feel dread - dread of what's out there in the pool.

But I tried the sit at home and wait for him to knock on my door (figuratively that is), but that hasn't work so far...for the most part.

So I took a quick look at work yesterday at my Match account. And I was right to be alittle fearful....so I thought I'd play a game.

When I was a kid, there was a show called, "The Dating Game". It was the 70's/80's version of "The Bachelor"/"The Bachelorette". (I take that back - it was on from 1965 to 1996 - Wow!). Anyway, one bachelor or bachelorette got to ask questions to 3 contestants behind a screen and based on the answers, they picked one to go on a date with. Less involved than "The Bachelor".

So Match.com gives you 5 or 6 (still haven't figured all the categories of guys they sent you) guys a day to review, so I'm going to describe each one and my feelings about contacting them. Feel free to comment.

Bachelor #1 - Clean cut All-American looking preppy guy. Grew up in the suburbs, likes working out, plays in kickball/softball leagues, likes the beach (Dewey/Outer Banks) - I think I'll contact him. Guys tend not to like you if you message them, but you get more traffic if you are active (my unscientific Match.com theory).

Bachelor #2 - Middle-Eastern/white guy, Dark Hair, lives in the big city, Prefers girly girls who take care of themselves. I'm going to say no, because I hate my profile picture and he sounds alittle douche-y. You have to take care of yourself...why don't you say you only date models? I've heard that before but at least it was from a 26 year old.

Bachelor #3 - Alabama bred, Auburn educated, blue eyed cutie. Athletic, Looking to expand social circle, talks about having good manners and accent. He's my number 1 pick out of the three. He seems like he might actually respond back to me. But who knows what lies beneath? He doesn't give me a ton of details about himself, but that's not always a bad thing.

So Bachelor #3 wins, but I'm hedging my bets. So Bachelor #1 gets a shout out as well.

What do you think? Want to play again?